Frowned Upon

A lot of things in this world are not allowed, murder, theft, rape etc. all pretty nasty things but with laws help to prevent people doing this and punish those who do. Everything that is not against the law must therefore be considered doable, people can go by doing these law-abiding activities and noone is bothered. Unfortunately this is not the case and there is a very large grey area in between, this area contains many activities and things that are perfectly legal but seen as the wrong thing to be doing. This grey area can be named "The Frowned Upon Zone". Not illegal but not appreciated either. Naturally The Frowned Upon Zone contains a variety of things, from the should-be-illegal playing shit music out loud in public, using a seat for your bag on the bus or fat people wearing promiscuous clothing/being topless to the London-etiquette such as talking to people you don't know, wearing tracksuits out to dinner and eating food from one shop while in another. One that usually divides opinion is pissing in the shower, think about that one.

One particular thing that is frowned upon greatly is public flatulence, obviously it is rather unpleasant but it should be acceptable, the passing of gas is perfectly natural and everyone does it, even the Royal Family. Not only this but it is not healthy to hold it in, trapped gas is incredibly painful and if it diffuses into cells or the bloodstream it cocks up the pH (another Beaumontism) causing pain and problems, after being around any female (especially my girlfriend) for a lengthy period of time I am in horrific pain for a couple of hours while everything sorts itself out inside me. A country in Africa is even considering making public flatulence illegal! Madness! Not only a ridiculous law but pretty difficult to enforce. The police will have to resort to "he who smelt it, dealt it" or "he who denied it, supplied it". And for those of us that blush very easily, we are in serious trouble, facing lengthy sentences for farts that were not ours.

I am going to start being more literal in life and surveying the general public, standing somewhere and frowning at those who perform an action deemed within "The Frowning Zone", perhaps even encourage others to join me.