Credit where credit is due

I'll admit, the title is almost completely unrelated to what this post is going to be about, a lot like the posts of Dave Williams of mylifeisdaverage would be (in case you were wondering, he did not go AWOL, he just defected to tumblr, just like every other teenager with too many thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed by pictures or quotes.). This post is about credit but not the good kind of credit, it is about money lending.

I am of the rather traditional view of "if you don't have money then don't spend it" which if everyone shared rather than the typical DFS "buy now, pay later" mindset, we would not still be in economic meltdown. Big businesses and banks have taken advantage of the human nature to spend what they have, in fact Parkinson's second law is "Expenditure rise to meet income", present a man with £100, even if he has to give it back in the future, that money will be spent and he must recover the money in order to give it back or face the consequences.

Obviously there is a need to borrow money to buy a place to live and this is done by a long term mortgage from the bank, details are set out, conditions put in for loss of job or unexpected problems and eventually the money is paid back with interest. A newer form of borrowing money is in the form of the credit card, this short term lending causes all sorts of problems, unless incredibly strict on yourself, you will spend stupid amounts of money you don't have. This is obviously a bit of a pickle when it comes to paying off that credit card, yeah, you have to give back all that money you spent plus a little bit extra to pay off that kind, lovely company that let you use their money. It gets pretty nasty when you don't pay and the interest really kicks in, plunging you further into debt without you having a penny to show for it.

What I really hate are the new short term lending companies such as QuickQuid, Wonga and countless others, they focus on people struggling to pay bills with payday just too far away to wait it out and charge stupidly high interest rates in exchange for the speed and ease you can borrow money. Here is my message to the world: don't use these companies, short term lending is a terrible idea, if you have bills that need paying but payday is still a week away, phone the electricity/water/phone company and ask nicely for an extra week, they are human and will understand! Not to mention that most companies give you the option of what day of the month to pay your bills so it can be shortly after payday.

Sorry this one hasn't been hilarious, I am quite passionate about this.

The Weather Forecast

I will break the ice in true British style by talking about the weather, or more specifically about the weather forecast. My old geography teacher always moaned about the weather forecast because of the dumbing down of it all. Firstly they don’t show the jet stream, which is a passage of air in the upper atmosphere that essentially controls the weather, they even show the jet stream in America but broadcasters deem us as not intelligent enough to comprehend it. And secondly the presentation of the weather forecast is no longer done by meteorologists but by attractive men and women reading a script and waving their arms.

My problem with the weather forecast is far less sophisticated; it is one of those petty irritations I so often write about. The clue as to what a weather forecast is, is in the name, a forecast of weather, that is what the weather is going to do in the future. This is very useful, it helps us plan our outfits and excursions but also gives us a scapegoat when the weather tricks us all and the country grinds to a halt under a foot of snow or countless barbeques are ruined by thunderstorms. However I can appreciate that the weather is pretty difficult to predict as it is based mainly on what it has done in the past so if they get it wrong and I get drenched, I don’t really mind.

We have established that the point of the weather forecast is to predict weather so why do they tell us what the weather is doing now? I always thought that windows were invented for the very reason of seeing outside so telling me it is sunny is a waste of your time and mine. So then, why does the weather forecast go on to tell you what the weather did earlier? I was there Mr Weatherman, I experienced the cold wind and as a result I put my coat on, but thank you for telling me this redundant information. What is even worse is when they get it wrong, how can one possibly get the weather wrong when describing what it did only a few hours ago? I had spent an afternoon in central London and it had rained and rained and rained for hours. I came home still dripping, got changed and watched the news. There was the weatherman on the London news telling me what the weather had done earlier. He claimed that it had been a lovely day all across London, not a cloud in the sky and glorious high temperatures. How wrong he was, it had not been a lovely sunny day and I had the damp clothes to prove it. I briefly imagined a cartoon-style raincloud that followed me around, raining on me and me only but it seemed more feasible that the weatherman was an imbecile.

You should check out the blog of my biology friend Katie Barry at http://worldofkatiebarry.blogspot.com/ She is just starting out in the blogging world and needs some air time.

And a shoutout for Claire because...well because she asked for one.

Finally, happy birthday to Irritated Mutterings, we are 1 today.

One is the Loneliest Number

I am now on exam leave, I've finished school forever and now have those nasty little buggers known as exams to get past. Now because my parents both work and my brother and sister are both at school I spend about 7 hours of every weekday being completely alone at home. Being in my own company for such a prolonged period each day has drastically altered my mind. How the unemployed manage, I will never know. Here are my findings:

1. I now drink between 6 and 12 cups of tea in a day, it is a reward for completing a practice paper, the solution when stuck on a question, a refocussing activity and a way to stave off boredom. I ran out of teabags the other day and went into meltdown. I had to venture to a neighbour and beg for supplies.

2. The most exciting part of the day is when the post arrives. We are near the end of a postal route so this usually takes place around 11, as soon as I hear the letterbox* clatter I dash downstairs so pick up the letters. I am overwhelmingly excited if one of the letters is for me, it rarely is though. (*Does anyone still have a box for letters or does everyone just have a flap so the letters fall onto the doormat?).

3. My mind is captivated by the smallest things. On Monday I played catch in the garden, by myself, for half an hour. I am teaching myself new juggling tricks with varied success, I now have an excellent finishing routine. I lift half of the table tennis table up and play against myself for ages, I've won every game so far.

4. I have apparently turned into a professional chef. Everyday I cook an unnecessarily complicated meal. I have so far had a beef and gravy sandwich, home made pasta puttanesca with bacon and my pride and joy - bacon wrapped faggots^ in a tomato, onion, garlic and mushroom sauce. (^Faggots are pork belly, liver, heart and lung in meatball format).

5. I now need to have a playlist for everything on my iPod. The Cheer up Joe playlist, the Chemistry Revision playlist, Biology revision playlist, Physics Revision playlist, Top Songs, Classics, Silly and Fun playlist. It is just sad. I am currently listening to Silly and Fun.

6. I have become desperate for companionship. I have given appliances and objects personalities and traits. Obviously the radio, kettle, fridge and cooker and my best friends, the desk is my boss and the dishwasher is my mortal enemy as I have to empty it every morning. Another sign that I am going completely doolally was my plan to attract a birdy friend to keep me company when revising in the garden. I tore up some bread and put it in a trail towards my chair. I was hoping for a robin but ended up with a blackbird and a sparrow, can't argue with that. The sparrow even sat on the arm of my chair until a big nasty crow scared him off.

7. Clothes and brushing my hair seem to have become unnecessary, my hair is always a mess although still frequently washed and my clothes are effortless, it's all tracksuit trousers, t-shirts and massive jumpers.

8. I have turned into an eating machine, my lunch is always massive and I constantly snack on anything and everything through the day, I got through 4 bananas, 8 cocktail sausages and 2 kitkats yesterday alone.

9. The naked run to the bathroom has become much less fun. I'm sure you've all done it, made a dash in the nude between bedroom and bathroom before showering, with noone else in the house there is no need for speed or sneakiness, removing all entertainment and thrill that it provides. I've considered doing a detour past an open window just to the the adrenaline buzz back. I have to fetch more toilet paper myself if it runs out. The naked dance has far less risk attached. I go to the toilet with the door wide open. I sing or whistle constantly.

10. I actually revise.

Pet Peeves and Pure Hatred

They say everyone has a pet peeve, something minor that drives them mad. My dad can't stand drinks being vaguely near the edge of the table, my mum goes crazy about dirty plates being left anywhere. I don't mind my dad's pet peeve because if he sees a drink near the edge of the table he moves it an inch or so inwards. My mum however is a different story, once we have finished a meal she starts to get annoyed at the presence of dirty plates on the table but does absolutely nothing to solve it, instead forcing me and my siblings to remove them, if it bothers her that much she would get off her arse and move them. Rather annoyingly I have forgotten what my pet peeve is so I can't write about it and mock myself, sorry.

I can however remember my pure hatred. There is nothing that raises my blood pressure like lateness. This is a hatred shared by both my dad and my brother, in the words of my dad: "late says' my time is more important than yours'." If someone is late meeting me without any warning I find myself doing nothing, wasting my time waiting around. Late wastes time for everyone and less is achieved, it is infuriating. In order not to appear hypocritical I avoid being late at all costs, I always leave more than enough time for things and if there is even the slightest chance of me being late I text or call whoever I am meeting. There is no way late is ever a good thing, when a woman says "I'm late" it strikes fear and panic into the heart of a man, or so I've heard. If a baby is late it causes discomfort to the mother and could mean labour has to be induced to prevent disintegration of the placenta. Late can mean dead. There is no good late. Fact.

The Royal Wedding

It is time for me to face my decision on the Royal Wedding, I can be cynical and hate everything about it, lap up every little detail and make it the focal point of my life for this week or go in between and enjoy my day off, wave my patriotic flag and be glad to witness such a historic day. Naturally I have gone for the latter. The night before I'm going to a Royalty themed party and as I always do I'm dressing as gay-ly as I possibly can. I looked for little loopholes in the theme and decided the way to go would be Freddie Mercury (lead singer of Queen) before his death in the 80s. Here is a picture of the dress rehearsal, moustache will feature on the night: http://twitpic.com/4q7h21 .

With my decision to passively enjoy the Royal Wedding my mind (and others') began to wander and wonder. What would happen if the Queen died? or Prince William or Kate got cold feet and didn't show up or one of them fell ill or it was revealed that one of them was having an affair? There would be uproar, chaos and devastation across the world.

I suppose an affair could be covered up by a super-injunction, which I find just ridiculous, how can famous people have the right to cover these affairs up but not the average Joe? I reckon that if you have an affair then you have to deal with the consequences, be it an extremely angry partner and/or a tabloid thunderstorm. If footballers can no longer control where they stick their willy then they should have to endure all the publicity and shame that it entails. If Prince William or Kate had an affair it would need more than just a super-injunction, it would need a hyper-mega-uber-super-injunction.

Sorry it's a short one, revision beckons.

Double standards

I should be revising, don't tell my mum. I know, I'm 18 and still scared of my mum, you would be too, she is terrifying and runs a dictatorship whenever it comes to exams. Unfortunately this has a negative effect, I do my absolute best not to revise to spite her, bit silly really.

I recently stumbled across a website after hearing about it on the radio. The idea of the website is for women to take pictures of men on the tube sneakily and post them on the site for other women to comment on, have a look - http://www.tubecrush.net/ . This is an interesting idea, not as good as a feature in the now deceased London Paper in which men and women would write love messages to people they had made eye contact with on public transport in London, often inviting them for drinks or dinner. I read this feature every day in Summer 2009 while working in Canary Wharf because I found it hilarious and secretly hoped one would refer to me. One day I broke the unspoken rule of London and spoke to someone, it was pouring with rain and the roof in London Bridge station was leaking. The trains were ridiculously delayed because of so much water so I was sat on a crowded rush hour train that wasn't going anywhere. A young woman (I would guess at about 25) was obviously not happy and without thinking I made a humorous comment about something. She giggled like a schoolgirl before we resumed the norm and ignored each other but kept smiling until the train was eventually cancelled and we were all forced to get home another way. I rang my dad and moaned, he instructed me home somehow. The next Monday I was reading the London Paper and eventually came across my guilty pleasure, the lovestruck bit. After reading a couple I got onto one that said "To the young looking guy in the purple tie on the cancelled 18:19 to Dorking from LBr, you made me smile on a day noone else could, drink?" My immediate reaction was that it must be someone else but then I began to break it up: young looking - I was 16 so young looking, made me smile - I did that to someone, cancelled 18:19 - I was on that, purple tie - I only had 3 ties, one of which was purple. How could it not be me? I didn't follow it up, the T&Cs said you had to be 18, it would never go anywhere, it was cheesy and would be so inappropriate. I met my girlfriend 3 days later on Epsom Downs anyway so I really didn't miss out.

Anyway, this website, in principal it is mildly amusing but a technique I learnt in (sigh) critical thinking is to reverse the situation and this reveals a terrible truth. Say there was a website of pictures of women on the tube that men had sneakily taken without the women knowing. There would be uproar, people would get in serious trouble, heads would roll and the stories would be endless. With this in mind why is it acceptable for women to take photos of men they don't know and submit them to a website for public judgement? Comments include "How fabulous! The new Victoria Line trains come with matching hotties. We'd wondered why ticket prices had gone up!" So I'm playing the double standards card that I so often play when it comes to advertising, either I want this website gone or I want one that works in the opposite way. And no I'm not bitter that noone has put a picture of me up, anyway I haven't taken the tube for months so one day I might be secretly snapped.

Back to revision, chromatography and sprectroscopy await.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Back in the good old days I used to look forward to school holidays, I would watch television all day, watch videos (remember them), play in the park/garden and play games with my brother. I then got older and would go out with my friends during the day. I then got older again and started going out in the evening and sleeping throughout the day. HOWEVER, these holidays I don't go out during the day, I occasionally venture out in the evening but my holidays are for one purpose only: revision. I get up at 9, start working at 10, lunch 1-1.30 and finish at 4. Depression usually sets in at around 11 and suicidal thoughts tend to creep in at around 2.30. I prefer the old school holidays, when can I have them again?

I had a revelation recently (I have them quite often but very rarely act upon them) about breakfast. It has become clear to me that porridge is the key to a long, happy and successful life. For this reason I went out and bought a kilogram bag of porridge oats (which should last about 3 weeks) from Waitrose for about £1. Porridge and strawberry jam every morning gets me to lunchtime without getting hungry and is easy to make and cheap and variable. If porridge was a woman, it would be the greatest woman alive (assuming she wasn't pale and gloopy like porridge is).

You may have noticed that another change may be taking place next month. We are having a referendum (oooooooohhhhh I hear you say) on the current voting system. This was David Cameron's way to get the Lib Dems to surrender everything they stand for and form a coalition. Clegg has got it alright though, if I had the chance to change the voting system to one in which I do better off then I would do it. This new system is Alternative Voting (AV), possibly replacing First Past The Post (FPTP). The no to AV party have worked out that it is possible for the party finishing 3rd in total votes can come 1st overall thanks to some complicated votes ranking and redistributing, I'm not here to explain, look it up if you care about it that much, but as an Arsenal fan I'd be happy for AV to be incorporated into the Premier League. However I don't reckon it's right for politics, I won't try to persuade you, my audience is intelligent to make it's own mind up (I assume you spotted that "it's" should have had no apostrophe - that was to prove your intelligence) but make sure you have done your research and don't blindly vote to change for the sake of it or keep it the same because it's tradition. I have done my research and my opinion is No to AV. I even get to vote this year which is very exciting, put my cross in the boxes for AV referendum and council people followed by fish and chips.

You have trusted me with recommendations in the past so go on http://www.richardstheone.org.uk/ for a lot of interesting opinions and insights into current affairs and things general (a lot like I do but slightly more eloquently).