As for me, I had my first trip to hospital a couple of weeks ago, it all started on the football pitch. David Streather pulled out of playing in football because he had a cough or something so I split the responsibility of filling in as goalkeeper with Danny Watts. We both warmed up in goal, him with green/blue house (our team) and me with brown house. Rather foolishly I chose to punch away one of the shots, it hurt like hell. Here I was presented with two options: pull out for the good of my wrist, or man up, keep calm and carry on. I chose the latter. First half I was playing centre back, this not being particularly strenuous on the wrist I had no problems, dealt with their pacey striker with ease (he wasn't particularly bright) and we went into half time at 1-1. Now it was time to pull on the gloves. The opposition really came at us second half but with not much end-product I didn't have too much to do. I made the routine stops from the torrent of corners and made a couple of saves (one involved diving in front of a striker and blocking the ball with my knees). With a minute left to play they came streaming down the right (my right), I hovered at the front post awaiting the cross, it came in and
went way over my head. I sprinted across the goal to cover the other post to be greeted by a stinging shot on my right. I parried it out into the area with my hurting hand, right towards another opposition player, he delayed slightly before volleying to my right. I threw myself across the goal making an expert stop that was cleared for a corner (it was described as Gordon Banks-esque and "the best save I've ever seen") In all honesty I got quite lucky, I am very good at diving to my right, if it had been on my other side I would have fallen over vaguely near it. They then scored from the resulting corner. When I was back in the changing room I noticed my wrist a little more - swollen, slightly purple and hurting a lot. The next day I took myself to A&E, I was X-rayed from every conceivable angle before being told I had broken my wrist and put in a cast (a purple one). I couldn't sit exams on my own, eat, write, play sport or juggle. I had another appointment one week later in which I was told I had not broken my wrist, simply sprained it, great, missed playing in the best football match of the year and had a scribe for exams for nothing. The cast was removed with a circular saw, a terrifying experience.
I mentioned the best football match of the year, this is the school vs Old Sutts annual game followed by drinks and curry. I went along to watch my team, who despite being without their influential captain marched on to win 2-1, the only school victory of the day. I decided that being in a cast would not inconvenience me enough to miss the drinks and curry. Free drinks had a bad affect on me leading to another first experience. A bottle of wine and countless beers led to a very drunk Joe. I have almost no recollection of the night past a point whatsoever, other than having hiccups on the way home. I was helped to bed and slept with the light on, practically sat up. I felt terrible in the morning (just before having my cast off), struggled with breakfast before showering. I finished my cup of tea and that's when it hit me that something wasn't quite right. I made it to the toilet before losing my chunder virginity, 10 months into my binge drinking career, my defining point was lost. I proceeded to chunder again later that morning before turning up at the hospital practically dead. I struggled through school with lucozade and a massive bottle of water. Five days later I still can't stand the taste of alcohol, especially wine.
For any homeless people reading this I have a suggestion for you, invest in bubble wrap. I went to a hobo-themed party wrapped in bubble wrap and I have never been so warm and cosy. It also provides excellent entertainment for yourself and others, I had guys and girls
popping my bubbles all night (pictured is my girlfriend in a stylish bin bag dress and me in bubble wrap and a friend's cowboy hat.)
Have a good Easter, mine will be spent revising all day and night.
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